Board results were just out, social media and WhatsApp filled with accolades, praises for children scoring well, and parents claiming their happiness and proud feeling. I also came across posts where few children could not make it to the 90s club, but still, parents were happy and satisfied.
Most of the counselors played a significant role here. Few preached on not putting the burden on the children, while few asked parents to cool down, few even asked children to take it easy.
Well, after acquiring my diploma in counseling psychology, I’ve started a few ProBono counseling sessions. My advice to parents and children is quite straightforward.
For this entire number game and grading system, of pressurising children and children feeling exhausted, I had a great conversation with few parents. Sharing some experts,
- Children should not feel burdened
Pull them out of the school . It’s a simple solution and makes everyone happy.
Dear parents, if your child is under a particular education system(read school), then he/she has to follow what is needed. If the school is rushing to complete the syllabus, then we as parents have to have Plan B.
Approach, prepare a systematic study plan and follow the pattern strictly. A study plan will enable the child to be at ease when the exam approaches and will not feel burdened. Act smart and don’t get carried away by your child’s whining. - Don’t pressurize your child
I say, why not?
If you have accumulated enough wealth and are sure that you’ll be able to fulfil all the needs of your child even if he/she is unable to earn on his/her own, then our discussion ends here.
But if not, then the study is the only key.
Approach, don’t let your child ever feel that things are easy. Pressurize them constructively. Tell them that hard work is essential, and nothing comes easy in life. Give them examples from your friends’ circle and relatives. Few might have studied in best colleges and doing very well while few might have attained success with hard work. Children need to understand the significance of hard work and discipline. - Grades are essential of course! They are!
Oh ! common we are in the Indian education system where grades are essential and no matter how much your claim to defer but you know the fact.
For a working class, family children have to do well at studies, and a common approach is challenging to absorb. Will you panic if your child flunks or you’ll be just fine?
Approach, tell them the significance of good grades categorically. Give them a clear view . For instance, good grades will get you into a right college and choose a professional line which will make your life easier. If you get poor grades, this doesn’t mean your life is tough, but you may have to work harder to make your ends meet. Give them a practical insight and nothing flowery. Talk to them like adults. Career counseling may help here. We as adults and with more than half a life done, still can’t figure out what we want in life then think how a 15-year-old kid can decide?He/she will need our guidance. - There is always a second chance
Really? Will they appear for board exams again?
You have to tell them that this is their chance to do their best and put in the best efforts. The climb to the tallest mountain is tough, but the view is fantastic.
Approach, guide, counsel, reinforce point number one and two repeatedly. Children will rebel, but that’s why they have parents. We are here to hold the leash tight when needed. They cannot take chances for granted. It’s a way of upbringing and preparing them for later stages of life. - Then to lead a good life, only money and good grades are essential?
“Yes, darling, these are the basic needs. Let’s do one thing, you don’t put effort, and I don’t go to the office, how is that?”
We can stay happy and stress-free when our basic needs are met else the struggle to survival will make you depressed, anxious, less on confidence and self-esteem, miserable at handling relations.
Approach, tell them that you do not need lots of money to be happy, but you need to have something to cater to your needs. Parents can support children up to a certain level, but afterwards, they have to manage on their own.
Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.
Albert Eistein
Parents who worry too much on “pressure” burden” “number-game” terms, I always ask them to reply to the following questions:
- Are you okay if your child doesn’t do well in academics?
- Are you alright with your child on not showing seriousness towards his/her studies? This is also a behaviour trait for being responsible.
- Are you alright with lack for hard work from your child?
- Will you able to provide the same facility and lifestyle life-long to your child?
- By supporting your child always, do you think he/she can sustain the pressure once you are not around?
Parenting is a tough job, and each one of us is striving to do our best.
We need a holistic approach for their upbringing. Children observe us very, so we have to be very patient to understand our child.
Their happiness depends on how we handle this entire rat-race of our education system. We, as parents, need to give our children constant positive reinforcement, believing in them, catering for the inner well-being and continuous mental support.
Give children a practical approach towards life, talk and discuss like adults, they will do wonders when they grow up.
Our children are the proud possessions we need to handle them with care and prepare them well for life ahead.
All the best to us!
g is not constant, one day you’ll be home from school with all smiles and the other day you won’t even like to look at me ,you can live in one tee and shorts for days, you refuse to obey anything, you don’t even allow me to hug, cuddle or kiss you anymore, your body smell has changed too. I know sweetheart it is a very difficult phase.
I am trying to be a parent every single day and I know I am doing my level best. I have never put in so much hard work in reading, understanding, and learning during my academic years which I am doing now towards my new subject-phycology!
Written
on January 31, 2019