Tough is not your body but mind: Disha

A working mom, entrepreneur, enthusiastic athlete, passionate runner, an explorer on a bicycle, dance lover, insanely emotional, always high on life, a counsellor and coach, with numerous half marathons in her kitty, a woman with infectious energy, endurance is her second name. Finisher of Abu Dhabi ITU here is 41-year old, mother of two boys and a pet dog, Mumbai-based Disha.

I spent most of my childhood in BHEL, Jhansi. I had a liberal upbringing, moreover, an upper hand in all the sibling fights as I was the youngest and only girl with two elder brothers. I was my Papa’s pet. We were a cohesive family. My father involved me in all kinds of chores, like mending electrical connections, changing cylinders, car maintenance and even made me travel on my own in local public transport. I thank him for making me ferociously independent. During my academic days, I was into dance, debate and elocution. I have won several national level accolades in debate competitions. I was also awarded by Late. Shri. Pramod Mahajan in Vigyan Bhawan on the 26th January as the best orator in Youth Congress.

I used to participate in 100-meter track races, high jump and shot put at my school sports day, but that was it in sports. I was keen to pursue arts and dramatics and was also qualified for NSD, but as science is a more respectable subject than arts, I graduated in science. With no career guidance, no orientation and no aim, I was clueless about my career. I completed my MBA in marketing, got a placement and shifted to Mumbai.

My aim in life was to get married and have children. I am a huge Bollywood fan, and I visualized my life as a Karan Johar movie. People often told me that I lived in a dream world, and I wouldn’t deny it. I find magic and fantasy in everything around me.

I got married in 2004, and subsequently, Sid, my elder son, was born in 2006. Soon, we shifted to Gurgaon.

I was a full-time mother now. Being a young mom at 26, I was overwhelmed by motherhood and hormonal changes causing havoc. As Sid started completing his milestones, I generally turned out to be anxious, irritated and short-tempered all the time. I was always screaming, throwing things and at times, even hitting Sid.

Sid was absorbing all the negative vibes, and it was showing in his behaviour. There were constant complaints from the playschool and neighbours. As a consequence, I would scold my two-year-old baby rather than paying heed to my behaviour.

In 2008, we shifted to Bangalore, and Abhi, my younger one was born in 2009. I was decently behaved this time but still not up to the mark. In 2011, when we shifted back to Mumbai, things hit rock bottom. I realized the severity of my situation when I thought of jumping off my 14th-floor balcony along with my two children. 

I am still grateful that I didn’t. 

I have a vivid memory of the episode, and I am glad I do. Since then, I have suffered from Acrophobia.

The reins of my battered state needed to be held together and tamed. With no help around and no one to talk to, share or understand, I was the sole warrior in this battle. I went back to my first love – dancing.

Being a full-time mom was challenging, and stepping out of the house wasn’t easy. I started taking my children along with me for the dance sessions. Next, I came across a running group in my compound. Within no time, I joined it and started getting out in the wee hours for runs. I was a huge mommy, weighing 79 kgs, and running wasn’t easy. I remember the days when even a 100-meter brisk walk was difficult. I did not give up and kept trying, one step after another. 

I did my first half marathon (Standard Chartered Mumbai Marathon) in 2015 and finished in three hours and 18 minutes. After the run, I managed to drag myself to the train station to go back home. Although the finish line is ecstatic, I was utterly disappointed with my performance. I continued to run but also started with weight training in the gym.

A breakthrough came in June 2015. I was selected as the only female participant alongside 11 male participants across India by Times Passion Trail for a mountain biking event across Bhutan. With an overdose of confidence in my kitty and zero stamina, I was all set for the ten-day trail.

I was always the last one on the trail and could not even finish the desired distance each day. This trip to Bhutan made me realize many things:

• It is wonderful to pursue what you like.
• It is mandatory to realize your potential.
• Motherhood is endearing but does not soak yourself in the process.
• The female body is very complex and needs lots of care and attention post-pregnancy; so show adequate love and care to your body.

Once, back from the trip, I was on fire. I started cycling regularly; long distances, too. 

2015 – First trip across Rajasthan on my folding bike

2016 – GoechaLa Trek, Sikkim

2016 – Met with an accident and got a metal rod in my hand 

2017 – India Gate to Wagah Border, a ride for mental health awareness

2017 – Hampta Pass Trek

2017 – Another accident, but thankfully no broken bones

2018 – Tour de Chhattisgarh 

2018 – Annapurna Circuit with Sid

2018 – Ride across Europe

2018 – First Triathlon 

2018- SCSM, Singapore Marathon

2019 – Ride across Vietnam

2019 – Successful second Triathlon

2019- SCSM, Singapore Marathon

2020 – Built my core and endurance 

I kept building myself every moment. I worked hard on moving out of my mommy guilt, stereotypes and expectations set on me. I focussed my energy on endurance training. My world was all about work, training, kids and most importantly, self.

As the famous dictum goes, “Your vibe attracts your tribe”, I increasingly started getting attracted to enthusiastic sportspeople and clubs.

My circle was positivity was growing.

It started over coffee when I met Mehul one evening in May 2018. He suggested I enrol in the Kolhapur Triathlon. I looked at him aghast, wondering – REALLY?! He discussed the race casually. Of course, he was casual because he’s a pro at all sports and an Ironman. But what about me? Good at none.

I thought of giving it a shot. I had to streamline my workout and get into further strict discipline, so I needed a coach, and unanimously it was Viv. His weekly training plans left me breathless, exhausted, with sore muscles, but extremely satisfied.

I followed a proper diet and adhered to my training routine; my gym instructor, Sagar, framed my sessions as per my training plan; I tweaked and adjusted the plan with my travel and my kids’ schedules. I had to time my training and home, kids, work, travel and all of it, equally demanding. It’s tough to burn the ass on the cycle trainer and simultaneously teach geography to your kid for a test.

November 2018, I was all set for my first triathlon – excited, anxious, nervous, running cold, parched throat, dizzy, etc. On the day of the open lake practice swim, it took me several minutes to take the plunge. Finally, I managed but swam along the support rope for a short distance. I tried several times but could not achieve the full length.

I suffer from Acrophobia (fear of heights) and during this process realized that I also suffer from Thalassophobia (fear of water, dark, uncertainty). I studied a lot about it, talked to therapists, read several self-help books, but nothing helped.

I had a DNF (Did Not Finish) at the Kolhapur Triathlon. I could not swim even 100 meters in the race. I had to take this phobia in my stride, and I always believe that nothing is more powerful than the human mind. 

Sheetal came to me as a guiding angel and introduced me to Nimesh, a swimming coach who took groups for sea swims. I had an anchor now.

I distinctly remember when I went for the open water swim for the first time — the night before, I was crying, praying, and meditating endlessly. At 4 am, I took a deep breath and drove to Uran, a two-hour drive from my place. The sea was low, and I swam only until where my feet touched the ground.

The second attempt was better than the first one. In the third attempt, I was confident, where I jumped into the middle of the sea from the boat and swam till the shore. The sea was high and the waves pushed me, but I managed to swim.

I still battle OWS (open water swim) fear as somehow the past experience is yet not out of the system but I am fighting and shall continue to do so.

On the trial swim day, I took a while to jump in the water, but then I finally tried the sprint distance of 750 meters and was happy and confident to swim through the whole length the next day.

I was back at the hotel with a terrible throat ache, and by evening I was down with a high fever. I rinsed and gargled with whatever medicines I had. Even sipping water was painful. I was terrified about the race now.

On the race day, I had a poor swim, but I was determined to finish the full distance and not give up. Once out of the sea, I ran to T1 to get the bike and realized that I had not kept my glasses (I use high power glasses for the swim and run), I wore my swimming goggles instead. Finished the bike lap and rushed for the run. The sun was raging by now, and I held my chin up and jogged–ran-jogged and finally sprinted in the last lap cheering to myself, the way I do for Sid for his runs. I remember cheering loudly, “Sid, ho gaya darling, almost done. Just 500 meters left, we will not give up. Run darling run. Mamma is right here with you.”

Once I touched the finish line, I sat down and cried my heart out, definitely, for I finished but also did not give up. And I never will.

Abu Dhabi tri

It is not a race that we accomplish, but a journey we enjoy the most. My journey has just begun, and there are miles to go before I sleep. With every breath during training, I release one negative thought out of my mind. The rebel in me has come out in full form, and I can feel the rush of energy. I am much more sorted and able to manage my mood swings better. I know how to unleash my stubborn thoughts. I have also evolved as a mother, and my children are a part of my workout regime. They keep a check on my runs and workout. As both my boys are into athletics, they can feel my aching muscles and then I am given special attention.

Motherhood is a big responsibility, but more than taking care of others, it is imperative to first take care of yourself. We live in a patriarchal society, and a mother will always be questioned when it comes to her children’s upbringing; ensure you draw a line there.

As a great follower of Bhagwat Gita, I always remember Arjun’s state of mind whenever in a fix. On the battlefield, when he saw his near and dear ones, he was taken aback and started cursing himself. He doubted his abilities and intention. Krishna comes as his saviour and tells him that he has to stand firm and fight for his kingdom. Loss or death should not bother him and is a part of his duty. 

Similarly, to follow my dreams, I’ll have to fight for my right. An outspoken and rebel woman is not an acceptable figure in society. A mother who travels alone leaves her children behind for her races, goes for cycle tours as an only woman, and participates in male-dominant sports, doesn’t have a comfortable life. But, it’s the choices one makes and sticks to, that make all the difference.

I am diagnosed with PMDD, which makes my life horrible during periods. I have a bulky uterus, and I have to alter my speed while running. I am still not out of the dark phase and regularly see my therapist for healing sessions. Above all, I accept myself.

I must say, try the tri – it’ll change you for good.

Be the kind of woman you aspire to be