Mother in question?

So, it was my son’s PTM(Parent Teacher Meeting) and I went to the school with a firm head as I already knew what’s in store. Discussion over half a mark with the teacher for Grade 1 child was beyond my understanding. Grade 4 mothers were overly concerned about their ward not being selected  in the elocution competition or “some”  children using “bad words” in the class.

Every time I attend the PTM ,I always come back questioning myself. How good I am as a mother? If my child does not get “good” marks in his assessment I start blaming myself for not teaching him enough. If I get a complaint from the teacher for his mischievous behavior I again put myself to blame for not giving enough time. Many a times I put this blame game aside and pat myself that I am doing a fabulous job. But, then quickly I am back to the same dilemma , am I doing enough as a mother?

One day , someone very close to me said, “now is the time that you should put yourself at rest and devote all your time and energy to your kids “. I was surprised as well as baffled . I again started questioning myself – am I really not giving time to my boys? Are they getting neglected ? What more should I do ?

A child is the reflection of his/her mother. This is such a huge responsibility .But, it is also said that boys follow father’s shadow. Yes, I have boys and surely they are more attached to me. I’ll not be ashamed if they grow up to be “momma’s boys”. I’ll be happy that they will learn how to be sensitive towards a female or how to take care of the opposite sex.

Once when I was on a travel and one of my acquaintance ,a young boy in his 20s with full sympathy to the male tribe kind of questioned me , ” Wow! you travel so much and also go on your adventure trails. Your husband really allows you?” I told him , “First, I am married but have not taken up slavery. Secondly, please don’t marry ever”

I have friends who live their lives out of suitcases. If the travel is scheduled they will move to cities or countries even if the child has exams or is a little unwell . I wonder if their company questions them , “did your wife allowed you to travel?”

If you move out to work, you are not giving the desired time . If you stay back , you are treated unskilled.

If you travel , your kids are neglected. If you don’t travel the company neglects you.

If you seek your passion , you are selfish. If you don’t you’re killing yourself.

If you can cook and serve your family well , you are caring. If you can’t then your children are deprived of healthy and tasty food.

If father comes ahead and helps in domestic issues his stature in the family is raised dramatically. While , for mothers it is their duty to do and there’s nothing so great in it! I am not a feminist at all , although may sound like one. But, why when my son doesn’t score well, or is being naughty , using “bad words” , back answering, not behaving well in a social gathering all the eyes knowingly or unknowingly turn or pop towards me ..

This mother is so much in question that I wonder if I was Kunti and my boys came as a blessing from a sage who positioned his hand emitting rays towards my womb and surprise !! I have a baby. How easy it would have been. But, this ain’t any mythological saga. Father contributed enough to make a baby.

There is a gap and poor mother will many a  times remain in question.

9 Replies to “Mother in question?”

  1. While I agree with most what you said – here is another perspective
    Why look at what is said or perceived by others at all. Primary job of BOTH parents is to give children a healthy mind n body – do everything in ur control to make them good human being, prepare them to face life as it comes with a smile on ur face, teach them to love uncertainty n Adversity.
    The two parents can divide efforts basis time , patience n capability- it varies.
    I think you doing enough – Som makes enough for you all tosurvive decently.
    In fact you both have set an example to ur kids on how to make the most of ur strengths – u on how to be happy n Som on how to be patient.
    What Society does – two hoots- ur example may bring change.
    Love you all.


  2. Beautiful article Disha! You were just writing and believe me these words were from my mouth..We as mothers do not leave any stone unturned when it comes to upbringing of our children..But somewhere down there, we are made feel that there is a problem..The problem is not within us but in the mentality of the society whose patience level has been on the low..Every child cannot be a super normal child and every mother cannot be a super mother..Just live the way you do for yourself and for them..without feeling guilty…We as parents strive to do best for them and will keep on…..


  3. yep! u said it. the way we r perpetually second guessingourselves as a mother, I wonder how the hell will we raise normal adults? add that to the guilt cart 😦


  4. A relatable post and partially agree to what you said.
    Well, there are men in this country who have to take “permission” from their wives to travel. Maybe their numbers are less. But they do exist.
    As a parent, why should you accept the blame for your child’s misbehaviour or his “lack of skills” in elocution? There maybe some other areas where he/she is good at. I have had a tough time dealing with some “boomers” who wanted me to excel everywhere. You cannot teach a shark to hunt from the open sky, nor can you go to an orthopaedic surgeon to get your heart treated. Nature doesn’t work that way.
    Never liked elocution by the way, despite winning quite a few competitions. My parents and teachers told me just participate for the sake of it. I remember creating a huge scene in front of the teacher during my teenage years by flatly refusing to participate. For me, I go to win, and only win, driven by Pure Logic. Any ambiguous decision by some random biased person is not an acceptable scenario for me. I did better in Quizzes and Competitions though – School, State and National Levels. Clear, unambiguous and results driven by Pure Logic.
    It’s wrong to feel guilty. Why should parents unnecessarily feel guilty just because someone at the other side of the table tells him/her so?

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Phew..!! Thank you for your response Madam and glad to know you liked it.. 🙂 I was scared about making you angry. Glad you aren’t..
        Yes, being a parent, specially a mother, is tough. Agree with you..


  5. Lovely article Disha. I guess it’s all about changing our mindset and enjoying each moment to the fullest. I feel sometimes in the pressure of doing everything on our own takes a toll and forget to enjoy the moments of life. I guess it’s important to give ourselves daily affirmations “You are doing good” a pat on back each day…


    1. Absolutely true Sheetal . We run on a guilt trip much more than men I guess . Having said that , it’s ok to take a deep breath and say ,” it’s ok” 😊


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