Let me be ME

Archive for August, 2015

Unskilled Child


It’s been quite a few days I am observing that my son’s cycle is not parked at the same place. I don’t see him playing cricket with his friends as well.

Curious to know the reason I went to check for my younger son in the play area for kids of his age.

I was shocked to see my hyper energetic elder son in the baby play area!

Upon questioning that why he was playing in this area and where are his friends and why is he not playing cricket?

As any typical man when females ask too many questions, he replied,” uff! You ask too many questions at one time!”

“No one has time- that’s it” ,he replied hurriedly .

I stood there for a while still wondering what he said.

“No one has time?”

This phrase is heard by all corporate people but how come children don’t have time?

I wasn’t letting this go so easily.

So, I nicely strolled in the park and smiled at every mother or the baby sitter or the grand parent with anticipation that they’ll respond and this will be the correct moment to start the conversation.

Thankfully, few did while others thought I am displaying, “Mere toothpaste mein namak hai (my toothpaste has salt)”.

Well, at this moment I wasn’t worried about how stupid I was acting, my motto was something different.

So, after series of smile exchange and formal conversation I was about to hit my question and I did,

Me:    “Haven’t seen your baby for a long time, all well?”

Mom:  Oh! He’s been keeping too busy

Me:    Busy? (This word again)

Mom: Yes, just two weeks to go for the exam (with the most worried expression)

Me:    Your kid must be in higher grade, I understand

Mom: No, he’s in grade 1 but trust me the syllabus is very difficult?

Me:    Lost first breath

Mom: Then he has his classes

Me:    Which classes?

Mom: Personality development, singing, musical instrument, maths, football, and GK. It’s so important to develop proper skill set in child right from the early age

Me: Phew!! Lost second breath, almost died.. Choked.

I just left the conversation there and headed back home.

While snail walking I was wondering the competitive world my child is entering into.

He doesn’t go to any of the classes most important not during his playtime. He even refuses to attend any birthday parties during his playtime.

Series of questions and doubts hovered my mind making me depressed.

  1. I am not sending him to any of the skill development classes, will he remain unskilled?
  2. He is not a voracious reader, is he devoid of knowledge?
  3. He screams, he answers back, he even fights with his peers, at time they play , roll do moves of WWE on the green grass, is he turning into a spoiled brat?
  4. He decides which class to attend, he makes his own choice of clothes to wear, am I turning him disobedient?
  5. He doesn’t fit into the frame of civilised, society adorable, amazingly well behaved child, have I failed as a mother?

I sank myself into the pillow and let myself go with the free flow pouring down my cheeks.

After the Ekta Kapoor crying series. I stood straight with a firm head to think logically.

It is important for the children to be what they are and the way they want to be. They’ll evolve very well on their own with a little guidance from us for sure.

If my boy doesn’t attend any skill based classes, I am still happy to see him running freely in the garden or getting wet when it’s pouring or cycling like a free bird or playing football in the muddiest puddle.

I have an unskilled child and I have no qualms about it.

I am glad when my boy comes home, dirty, drenched, bruised with innumerable scars because he has come home very happy and that’s what I want.

I see ME

The day I saw you
I knew it was you.

I smiled and you understood,
I wailed and you withstood,
I winked and you said good,
I wobbled and you said-yes, I could.

Your touch I felt,
Your breath I smelled,
Your support I held.

I close me eyes just to see,
How far I’ve come – Just you n ME.

But, then I open my eyes
N, am amazed to what I see,

In the mirror I see ME.

“My thoughts , my views , my mind” DishA

I want my boys to be safe

There is such a huge cry about banning of 857 porn sites and mainly sites that contain explicit images or information related to children.

Several WhatsApp jokes, discussions, blogs, tweets and news are being circulated all over social media. But, people have missed the root cause or I would say fact of the matter.

I being a mother of two and read Boys go through several inquisitive questions every now n then. Exploring ones body starts unknowingly. Both brothers take bath together and at times the elder one loves to dress up the younger one. They love talking about “su-su” and “potty” and nothing can be more hilarious than this topic. Being same sex their “funny” discussions are common. If I had a daughter they would have discovered the difference. So, the questions are bombarded to me. Like, my elder son asked me, “I know the baby is in the uterus (I corrected them when they used to say that baby is in the tummy) but from where does the baby comes out?” This is one of the few questions that is bothering a 10 yr old right now. While my 6 year old is amazed that why girls have swollen chest and boys don’t?  His explanation to this is that I work out a lot and have chest like Salman khan. What an observation!

It is important to educate children as per their age and level of anxiety. When I say educate, it is crucial that parents give them the knowledge rather than children learning through peers or porn sites. A growing child is always confused with the changes that are happening within him. Everyone needs an answer to their problem and if the inquisitiveness is left unattended children will find their own way to curb the anxiety.

I am a working mother and my kids back home have access to their tabs, mobile phones and TV with wifi connectivity. Although I have put strict [parental control on YouTube surfing and Playstore download but then nothing is fool proof. As a worried parent I also check the history of surfing. Very soon my boys will learn to erase it as well, then what? But this is it what I can do. There are games which show online contestants and later they get involved into chatting. Chatting with unknown person can prove dangerous for a child who has just started exploring this whole new virtual world.

My boy has started feeling a little odd when Katrina asks Hrithik Roshan if he changed her dress while she was asleep (Bang Bang movie). My younger one shakes his booty and dances claiming that girls like this only (Raunchy numbers in Bollywood flicks).

The other day I got a call from my son’s school. It is not a new thing, being a mother of a “so-called-naughty -boy” at school this is a recurrent situation. The counsellor was too worried, concerned and wanted to meet me in urgency. Upon asking the reason of her worry she tells me that my son has been talking very weird in the class. On further probing as she herself was hesitant in disclosing said that he has been talking about the private parts. OMG!!! What a crime my son has committed. Talking-About-Private-Parts, no ..no..no… it’s a hush -hush topic , don’t even whisper about it. I conveyed her that it’s just fine as he is in the age where he has queries and I answer them as per his level of understanding. Children in the age group of 10-11 will be talking and discussing about private parts and will soon have jokes on the same topic. What amazed me was that other parents have a problem! That’s alarming.

I conduct CSA (Child Sexual Abuse) sessions and I always come across situation that when parents are very hesitant to talk to their children about their own body. The way educate their child is by showing “komal” video or read a few books on Good Touch and Bad Touch and Sex Education is done! Really ? Think again.. ya I say think again.

I am totally in for the ban on porn sites. The content doesn’t matter or if it is related children or adult but a channel that provides raw and absurd information about sex should absolutely be banned.

A happy, innocent and above all abuse free childhood is what I want for my boys and for all the children around.

(Disclaimer: This article is taking into view only children, adults are free decide their choice)

(After thoughts on article by an avid writer Mr.Rajesh Kalra, “http://blogs.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/randomaccess/would-any-parent-say-he-is-fine-if-his-child-watches-porn/”)

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